


the man who has everything

by sunbean72



Category: Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-03
Updated: 2019-12-05
Packaged: 2020-02-16 10:46:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 16,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18689929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunbean72/pseuds/sunbean72
Summary: The Starks during the five-year hiatus. Note that the chapter may not be chronological.





	1. The Starks welcome their new arrival

Tony held his breath until his daughter took her first one.

A cry, strong and beautiful, filled the room.

“Wow,” he whispered, returning the pressure of Pepper squeezing his hand. He gently kissed her temple, amazed, grateful, and more giddily in love than he’d ever been.

“It’s a girl!” Dr Cho said with a grin. Delivering babies was outside her normal wheelhouse, but with Pepper’s history of extremis and her close relationship with the Starks, she had specifically asked to have the privilege of caring for the little family. “Tony? The honors?”

Surprised, Tony stepped forward, looking a little pale. There was certainly more blood than he’d been expecting, it was all… it was a lot. His hand shook a little as he took the scissors, but were steady as he cut the umbilical cord.

“Congrats!” Dr. Cho beamed. She gently guided Pepper through the moments after birth while Tony carefully recorded the first few moments of his daughter’s life.

“Hello,” he murmured to her as she looked up at him in bewilderment. “Welcome, little one. I’m… I’m your dad. And I’m going to take care of you,” he said behind the camera.

Pepper laughed, so happy, as the nurse settled the tiny infant in her chest after weighing her, assessing her, and wrapping her up. “A girl. Tony. Your little girl.”

Tony didn’t bother to wipe the tears on his cheeks. Pepper stared into the baby’s perfect face, her eyes large and dark like her father’s. The baby cried lustily at the insult of being born. After a few moments, Pepper handed the little bundle to Tony. He didn’t hesitate to take her, cradling her small body against his. He closed his eyes and took a breath; he wanted to remember this moment for the rest of his life.

Her whole life flashed before his eyes. Growing up in this difficult world. Getting bigger, stronger. Learning to crawl, to walk, to run. To fly. Kindergarten. Sixth grade, high school, college. Marriage, kids of her own if she wanted. Grandkids, sure. He couldn’t help but wonder what his old man and his mother might make of her.

_I built this for you. One day you’ll figure this out. And when you do, you’ll change the world. What is an always will be my greatest creation is you._

“So? Did you decide?”

“Mark 75,” he quipped.

As he hoped she laughed again, a sound like pure sunshine. He smiled.

“Her middle name cannot be Mark 75,” she said with affected sternness.

“Morgan… I was thinking Joy.”

“Joy, huh? Morgan Joy.”

“Yeah.”

“Hmmm… Counterpoint. Happy.”

He laughed now, fully from his chest, his heart breaking but with love and joy for once. “Morgan Happy Stark?”

“I don’t think I’ve ever heard a more perfect name in my life,” Dr. Cho said with a grin as she and the nurse finished helping get Pepper cleaned and settled in the bed. Tony handed the precious bundle back to his wife.

“She’s perfect. You’re perfect.”

“Your idea. You can give yourself… 12 percent of the credit. An argument can be made for 15.”

Tony laughed again, wrapping his arms around the two of them. They were his whole world. For a moment, the sun shone brightly through the window, falling across them with gentle warmth, and he was happy.


	2. when they finally went HOME

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pepper and Tony find a new home

There was sunlight here. Not harsh, not too hot or hard, not burning, but filtered through the trees, reflected off the lake. It was lovely.

The cities were beginning to recover, albeit slower than anyone had hoped and the scientists weren’t anticipating a return to baseline for several more years. India and China had suffered a mass exodus even after half their population was gone. There was so much dust from the Decimation that the land had become all but uninhabitable. New York, LA, a lot of the more populous cities were covered in a dark shroud that had only just begun to improve. It was like several volcanoes had gone off at once, filling the atmosphere with ash.

But not here.

Pepper listened. The water. The birds. The wind in the trees. She glanced over at Tony, who was obviously fatigued, leaning heavily against his cane; they’d had a little bit of a walk to get here. He looked like a pale shadow of his former self, still, though far from the waif that had arrived on the Benatar. She watched the wind ruffle his curls as he closed his eyes against the breeze, just feeling it on his face.

“We’ll take it,” Pepper said quietly to the owner standing off a-ways near the porch, giving them a minute to explore. “If you’re sure you can part with it.”

The man, named Dan, smiled. Pepper had liked the man instantly when they met him. Tony was always apprehensive when they interacted with anyone, afraid that they would blame him for his failure in fighting Thanos. For the most part, the opposite was true, but people grieved in different ways. Having someone to blame made some people feel better, but Dan had simply greeted them and treated them like he would anyone else, telling them about the property without referencing Iron Man at all.

“I’m glad you like it, Mrs. Stark. I think I can part with it if I know it will be in good hands. You probably understand… the memories here are too painful with my parents and sister gone. I’m moving east to be with my nieces and nephews.”

Pepper nodded; she did understand. “I suppose I should at least ask how much you’re asking.”

The man hesitated and she raised her eyebrows expectantly. He gave an embarrassed shake of his head.

“I know it’s not normal procedure… I’m sure you know better than most that it’s been downright difficult putting a cost estimate on just about anything. The value of property, money, all that. I’m saying it’s difficult to put a price tag—“

Pepper pitied the stuttering man. “Dan, we are prepared to be very generous with our offer. We know how times are. You have family to take care of, and this is a lovely place,” she said placatingly.

“Oh. Oh, no, ma’am, you misunderstand me,” Dan said, flushing deeply red. “No ma’am, that’s not what I meant. You see, I was hoping you’d see your way to accepting it... as a gift.”

“What?”

“Yes Mrs. Stark. I know you folks might not feel terribly comfortable with that—“

“No we wouldn’t—“

“But you see the fact of the matter is that there’s lots of us folks who appreciate all you two have done for us and there’s a lot of us who wishes there was something we could do as a kind of thank you. I think I’d speak for a lot of people if I were to do something like that and count it as the least we could do.”

“Dan, I just don’t think that would be appropriate! It’s very generous of you, very, but I don’t think in good conscience…” She trailed off as Tony came over, hearing the tone of their conversation.

Pepper turned to him as he looked at her expectantly for an explanation. “I was just telling Dan that we’d like to put in an offer.” Tony nodded, offering a rare genuine, though small, smile. He had told Pepper that it was entirely her decision, he wasn’t feeling up to the mental and emotional effort of deciding much of anything at the moment.

“I was just explaining to Mrs. Stark that there was no payment necessary, Mr. Stark,” Dan put in quietly, rubbing his neck and looking awkwardly at the little family.

“I can’t accept it,” Tony said, his voice uncharacteristically flat.

“Not asking you, if it comes to that,” Dan said firmly. “Just like you never did ask us to accept you sacrificing yourself to save us, all those times. It was just a done thing. Now if you don’t like the property or it doesn’t suit you, that’s one thing. But if it’s going to be okay for you, then… Then this is how it is.” He lifted his chin, his defiance of the powerful duo slightly undermined by his flushed neck and cheeks.

Tony stared hard at the man, swallowing. He glanced at Pepper, too overwhelmed to say anything. He shook his head, his sunglasses just slightly opaque enough for Pepper to see that he had tears in his eyes. She turned back to Dan.

“We’ll take it, Dan. Thank you.” Tony moved but didn't protest. He just didn't have any fight in him at the moment.

Dan smiled a brilliant smile at them, beaming happily. “I can’t thank you enough,” he told her, shaking her hand.

“It’s us that must thank you, Dan. I’ll send someone around to handle the paperwork. We’ll pay for all the fees and whatnot.” She squeezed his hand.

“No ma’am. If you please. For once, it’s not gonna cost you a thing. I’ll get it all squared away." At Pepper’s dubious expression, Dan smiled again. “I know you’re used to coming in and just making everything right. But this time I got it.” He returned the pressure of her hand and let go. He reached out to Tony who slowly took his hand and Dan kind of choked up.

“Mr. Stark. _Thank you,_ sir. I hope that you and your beautiful wife enjoy many long and peaceful years here.”

“Thank you Dan. I appreciate it.” The tension Tony had been holding in his shoulders relaxed at Dan’s warm and sincere kindness.

“It’s my pleasure sir.” Tony nodded, unable to say anything. No one, ever, had done something like this for him, not that he’d ever wanted or expected it. That was exactly it, it was so unexpected and unnecessary.

Dan replaced the baseball cap he’d been holding. “And Mr. Stark sir, I wanted to tell you. I won’t tell anyone you’re here. You deserve a rest.”

“Thanks for that.” He glanced at Pepper. “It might be a while before I can rest,” he admitted.

“It might be at that,” Dan acknowledged. “It might be for all of us, but we're praying for you. You'll get there. Well. Here’s the keys. You can move in as soon as you please. Best of luck to you both.” He nodded goodbye to them, letting them know he’d be in touch, and drove away in his pickup.

Pepper could see Tony was getting very tired and moved so he could lean on her a bit as he took off his glasses, haunted and pained looking. She gave him a tender smile. It was nearly silent but afar off they heard a bird call, a pretty but haunting sound that seemed to match their hearts-- utterly broken but healing.

They took hands and went inside.


	3. The wedding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was not what they'd envisioned.

"You said you'd watch him," Pepper said sharply, pushing Rhodey's hand off her arm as he grabbed her as she walked by.

"I did, Pep," Rhodey said calmly, his palms up. He hesitated. "He got upset."

Instantly defeated, she turned away from him, her hand across her mouth in an attempt to stave off tears. As thankful as she was just to have Tony in any way at all, seeing him so sickly, so weak, emaciated and pitifully vulnerable had taken a toll. Never had she seen him so desperately broken, not after Afghanistan, not after the palladium, not after New York.

"How bad was it?"

"Pretty... it was pretty bad." He looked at her anxiously, as if debating something, then sighed and pulled out his phone, tapping on it to pull up the video feed. As painful as it was, Pepper needed to understand exactly Tony's mental state.

_"Tony you fought him--"_

_"Who-- who told you that? I didn't fight him. No. He wiped my face with a planet while the Bleaker Street magician gave away the store. That's what happened. There was no fight--"_

_"Alright. Okay. Did he give you any clues? Any co-ordinates? Anything?"_

_Tony made a disparaging and sarcastic raspberry sound. "I saw this coming few_ _years back. I had a vision - I didn’t want to believe it. Thought I was dreaming-" Tony was clearly getting agitated, apparently not listening to Steve._

_"Tony, I’m gonna need you to focus--"_

_"And I needed you."_

Pepper's heart was in her throat, her chest aching terribly.

 _"As in past-tense. That trumps what_ you _need. It’s too late, buddy. Sorry. You know what I need. I need a shave--" He shoved the bowl in front of him, everyone in the room wincing as he stood up._

 _"And I believe I remember telling all of ya-- alive and otherwise-- I remember_ telling you _Cap--" Rhodey was trying to interrupt now that Tony was on his feet, "that what we_ needed _was a suit of armor around the world! Remember that? Whether it impacted our 'precious freedoms' or not. That’s what we needed."_

_"That didn’t work out, did it?" The statement, on the surface, seemed flippant-- ready to move on. But Pepper could see the pain in Steve's face, the desperate regret. Either the statement or the look only furthered Tony's agitation._

_"I said we’d lose. You said 'We’ll do that together too.' Guess what, Cap? We_ lost _. You weren’t there. But that’s what we do, right? Our best work after-the-fact? We’re the Avengers? We’re the_ A-vengers _?! Not the Pre-vengers? Right?"_

_Rhodey was trying to get him back in the wheelchair. "Okay, you made your point. Just sit down. Okay?"_

_"Nah, nah, nah." He pushed Rhodey away. "Here's my point--"_

_"Sit down!"_

_"She's great by the way. We needed you," he said pointedly to Carol. "You're new blood--"_

_"Tony!" Rhodey was attempting to be firm but he was afraid of hurting Tony in his fragile state._

_"Bunch of tired old mills. I’ve got nothing for you, Cap. I got no coordinates, no clues, no strategies, no options. Zero, zip, nada. No trust, liar."_

_Tony was right by Steve now, letting Steve see his pain, his bitter anger, his blame, and his desperate, unending, fathomless grief. Steve stood there, staring at Tony with the same lost and destroyed_ look _._

 _It seemed to make Tony angry. He tore the arc reactor from his chest. "Here, take this." He slammed it into Steve's hand. "You find him," his face contorted with pain and almost fear, a terrible sorrow before settling again on anger. "And you put that on. You_ hide _."_

Pepper shook her head, knowing the rest, but watching anyway as he collapsed. Carol got to him first; the two of them had formed a tight bond in the small while they'd been together. She picked him up as if he weighed nothing, carrying him back to the medical bay. Steve didn't follow but before the feed cut, Pepper saw his tears.

"I should have stayed with him."

"You can't be by his side every _second_. It's not healthy for either of you. Don't go charging in there in this state, Pepper, he needs to rest," he said, protesting her heightened state of agitation and anger.

"Oh, gee, I never thought of that! Who said he should stay in bed, huh? He _does_ need to rest! He's never had a moment's rest in his life!" Pepper said angrily, trusting Jim to know it was not him she was angry at, but her temper flaring nonetheless. "I _told you--_ "

"Okay. Okay. I know. I understand. I should have tried harder to talk him out of it, but with so many people wanting a debrief of what happened on Titan and Tony being the only one who was there--"

"Nebula was there too, Rhodey," she snapped. "But once again it's Tony that has to be dragged in front of everyone, sacrificing his own best interest for the _greater good_ am I right?"

"I know how you feel. But you also know he wanted to be there and that nothing we said was going to stop him."

She took a deep breath and let it out, then breathed in again and swore. Without delicacy and without hesitation she cursed Thanos and Black Orders and Stephen Strange and particularly and emphatically, she cursed Steve Rogers. Rhodey raised his eyebrows, impressed and a bit shocked as he'd never heard much more than an occasional _damn_ from the notoriously controlled red-head. They had been friends a long, long time, and been through just about everything together. They both shared a love and loyalty to Tony Stark and that created a powerful bond between them, and Rhodey could see that Pepper was pushed just about past her limits. She turned and headed for the door.

"I'm going to him, now. And I'm going to take him away from here, Rhodey. Far, far away from those people."

"I think that's best."

"What?" Pepper stopped, expecting much more of a fight. She'd fist fight Steve Rogers himself if that's what it took.

"It's a good idea. But, Pep... come here sweetheart. He's not ready to be moved. Okay? He needs the doctors." The two of them moved closer and he hugged her tightly, trying to take away some of her fear, tension, and anxiety. Their joy at seeing Tony alive past all hope had been quickly swallowed by their worry for his health and mental well-being. He hadn't even been home a day, barely slept and started to eat when "the team" requested a meeting. Pepper had resisted and Tony had insisted, wanting to know just as badly what happened while he was gone. While she dealt with the media (Tony had asked that she not tell them he was back yet, so she was just discussing the arrival of a spaceship), he was to spend a few minutes with the team getting caught up but Pepper had extracted a promise from Rhodey that he would keep things under control.

It hadn't gone that way.

"Come on," Rhodey said, taking her hand and holding it tightly.

She and Rhodey went down the dark, nearly deserted medical wing. Adding to the general feeling of neglect and emptiness, it was dark; the lights off in the hallway. Tony's eyes were particularly sensitive to light due to his time in space, spent nearly always in dim or dark light. He'd complained about that more than all the rest of it, the hunger, the thirst, the wound; he just kept saying the light hurt his eyes.

Even now, asleep, he had his sunglasses on. Rhodey looked him over, his face quiet with a gentle kind of pain, and he leaned over and took Tony's sunglasses off, setting them on the bedside table with careful attention. Bruce had already left after administering the sedative.

"I've gotta get back," Rhodey said reluctantly. "I don't want Steve to do anything drastic."

She nodded, but only in understanding. At the moment she couldn't bring her self to care if Steve did something reckless.

She watched over Tony.

Something deep within her became both very hard and very soft. She'd almost lost him so many times; it was part of him, who he was, the risk of losing him was intricately connected with loving him. Having him, knowing every day it might be the last, or the second to last, or it might be their last week together. Even now in this moment when she had him back again, she knew it might not last. Long had she known it; long had she suffered, but gladly, and she would again, and again even knowing how it could be. For Pepper, it was worth every moment of worry and fear, the loving of him was, and having his love in return.

He slept the dark and dreamless sleep of someone heavily sedated, his hand unresisting in hers as she held him, his head limp when she rearranged his pillow to let him breathe easier, or moved his hand so the IV could drip in better. She didn't leave his side; she wouldn't again.

She crawled in the bed next to him to sleep. He was not warm; half starved, he was thin and his skin was cool. She let her body lay gently across him, giving him as much of her warmth as she could. Hours later when he finally woke up, she was tucked under his chin.

"Hey Pep," he said, his voice groggy with the sedation.

"Hey, Tony." She sat up to look at him, give him a drink of water. He sipped it, listless, his eyes not focused, still sleepy.

She saw his face change from relaxed confusion to fear. He looked at her, uncomprehending, not seeing her or not seeing her right.

"Pepper!' He said panicked.

"I'm here! Tony, I'm here. Shhhh!" She tried to calm him as he was desperately fighting to get out of bed; he was out of the bed and backed into a corner, tangled in sheets. "Tony!" She called with real fear.

"Tony!" A voice said sternly. It was Nebula. "Stop! You'll hurt yourself."

"Nebula?" He said uncertainly. Pepper felt a stab of fear; he was holding a repulsor gauntlet, not pointed at her or anyone but he was not in a good state of mind to have it at all, she didn't even know where it came from.

"It's me. You're home. You're safe now," Nebula said in her strange, rough, low voice. Tony shook his head, the flush in his cheeks from his fear draining away as he turned pale to his lips.

"I'm going to be sick," he said, his eyes clear and bright now.

"Better give me that then," Nebula held out her hand for the repulsor gauntlet and Tony let it fall off his wrist and started to collapse again. Pepper caught him, calm now, holding a garbage can for him as he threw up.

"That's embarrassing," he complained, back to himself now. "FRIDAY, delete that footage."

"You'll survive," Nebula said without sympathy. "I came to tell you I'm going with them. To find Thanos."

"Nebula," Tony said, the color that had returned to his face draining away again. "No. No no no no--"

"You knew it would be like this."

"Please."

Nebula looked pained but shook her head. Tony swallowed. He was afraid. Far, far too afraid; even had he the physical strength, he could not face Thanos.

"I can't come with you. I don't want you to go. I'm a coward."

"We both know that's not true," Nebula responded with a needle-thin, sharp edge in her voice. A wound without pain, it was so quick, but it still left him bleeding.

"One... one thing first. Please. In case... One thing. We need Rhodey and Carol. You and Happy. And... B-Bruce, I suppose."

Nebula disappeared and Pepper grabbed Tony's hand, unable to keep from grasping it tightly though it surely hurt him. "Tony, what are you thinking?" She asked, fearful that he would try to go with them after all. She felt so terrified of the idea that she could hardly breathe.

"No... Pep, honey, no. Look at me. Here. Okay? I'm not going anywhere. Twenty-four days ago, I told you to push back our eight o'clock res. You remember? I'm not pushing anything back with you, ever again. I need you to understand. No more waiting for anything we want."

"Th-then? Why are you asking them to come?" She asked, still desperately afraid.

He looked at her and his eyes softened; she could see laid bare his heart, the deep love he had for her, the most precious, pure, and true thing in her life. "Help me," he said reaching for her, still too weak to move around easily. She supported him as he stood up and he faced her, brushing her hair away from her face in a loving, protective gesture. "Virginia Potts. I love you with all my soul. I know I already purposed but I'm a different man now. I've failed and I've lost more than I ever thought possible. But one thing that hasn't changed and never will is that I love you." He closed his eyes, a few tears falling down his cheeks. "I love you. Will you still have me?"

"O-of course, Tony, what a thing to ask--"

"Right _now_."

She stared at him, confused, worried he was confused or delirious. "What--"

"Marry me, Pep. I had Happy get the license, it wasn't as hard as I thought, considering. Turns out there's a lot less red tape these days. Cat's kinda out of the bag about me being alive, coming back, but I think there's just enough good will out there to buy us a little time before... I don't even know what will happen. I don't care about what will happen, as long as I'm with you. No more decoy dates, no more pushing things back. If you want. If you will. If you still want to, will you marry me? Please?"

Pepper took his hand in answer, her grip painfully tight as she nodded.

...

It was the one and only time Pepper saw happy Hogan cry; he walked her down the aisle. James Rhodes officiated; he'd gotten his certification so he could preside at his brother's wedding years ago. Nebula stood by Tony and gave him someone to lean on as he grew tired of standing through the ceremony. Carol Danvers, his personal savior, and Bruce Banner, his once best friend, witnessed the proceedings. 

"Do you have the ring?" Tony slid the ring on her finger, gazing into her beautiful blue eyes. "Do you, Tony Stark, take this woman, Virginia Pepper Potts, from this day forward, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, to love and cherish as long as you both shall live?"

"I do."

"Place the ring, Pep. Do you, Virginia Pepper Potts, take this man, Tony Stark, from this day forward, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, to love and cherish as long as you both shall live?"

"I do."

"By the authority vested in me by the state of New York, I now pronounce you husband and wife."

Tony leaned forward, slightly feverish from exertion, Pepper with her face slightly swollen from the day's tears, but they were was something pure and true between them; trust. And love. What Tony felt in that moment couldn't be called happiness, exactly; his heart felt too broken, he felt too afraid that Rhodey, Nebula, Carol, and Bruce weren't coming back. But holding Pepper close, finally making her his wife, gave him something most closely approximated to peace, and a solemn kind of fierce joy. 

Pepper herself couldn't precisely name what she felt either. None of her family was there. She had thought she'd wear her grandmother's pearls. She had envisioned something simple and tasteful, not this, not this. But the only thing that mattered at all was in front of her, alive and breathing and relatively whole. She would fill in all the broken pieces with her love, which would never fail him. She wouldn't allow that, because even in that moment she suspected that she had best love him as fiercely and unreservedly as possible. She knew that the love she felt was bigger than herself, outside, almost. Everyone always said Tony was lucky to have her; he'd even said that himself before, but she knew the truth. The truth was _she_ was the lucky one. It was her privilege. It was her privilege to love him, as long and as much as she could. No matter how often he would break her heart because of who he was, _Iron Man_ , it made her love him more, not less, and that heartbreak was her privilege to bear as well. She was willing to bear it and more for the honor of knowing and loving him, and she was going to have his baby there was no question about that. 

The kiss between them was almost sad; a seal upon everything that had been lost and failed and the signal of something new that must begin with all of that gone and missing. A seed in a fire decimated forest; ashes, soot, heat and death but ripe for _life._

He kissed Nebula's cheek, hugged Rhodey as tightly as his failing strength allowed, hugged Bruce, and held Carol's hand and asked her to watch out for his friends and loved ones, which she agreed readily, promising him that smoothy she owed him. As they left, Tony fell into a troubled sleep, exhausted from the exertion, unable to keep awake even though he wanted to. Pepper stayed awake for both of them, Happy keeping watch.

It wasn't what she'd dreamed. But it was theirs. She took his hand as he stirred and he opened his eyes, offering her a sweet smile. "Will that be all, Mr. Stark?"

"That will be all, Mrs. Stark," he murmured, drifting off, sure in the knowledge she would be there when he woke.


	4. morgan loses a tooth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> imagine going through the end of the world and complete failure and having someone who is completely innocent of any knowledge of that; i'm sure tony finds it very healing at times. Also, it seems like Morgan is growing up at least partially in isolation from the rest of the world and she may not have an peers to warn her about *whispering* losing teeth

Morgan Stark feels a little afraid when her front tooth suddenly _moves_. 

She was eating an apple when it happened; for a moment all she could do was freeze, unsure exactly what she'd felt. Thinking it might have been a weird fluke, she took another bite of her apple only to feel it _again!_ This time with a small twinge of discomfort!

"Dad!" she shrieked, not sure how big of an emergency this was and not taking any chances. "Dad, help! Help me dad!"

As anticipated, her father's worried face appeared around the corner from the kitchen where he'd been cleaning the dishes. "What's wrong Morguna?"

"Something's wrong in my mouth!" she said worriedly, turning her big brown eyes on her dad.

"Did you bite your tongue?" Dad asked as he knelt in front of her chair. Morgan shook her head, not knowing what was wrong and not knowing how afraid to be. She contemplated her options. Seemed safest to be _very afraid,_ maybe enough to cry even. On the other hand, she was a _very brave girl,_ Dad had told her that lots of times. She pushed gently on her tooth with her tongue and it happened... the twinge and the movement. Tears filled her eyes, and Dad looked alarmed, only confirming her fears. 

"Okay, okay," Dad said, calm now. "Just show me, okay?"

Morgan nodded and opened her mouth. Dad took a careful look then frowned. "I don't see anything, babe, can you tell daddy what's wrong?"

Morgan didn't dare speak. She pointed to her treacherous front tooth and to her confusion and consternation, Dad suddenly smiled. "Is it your tooth, honey? Did you tooth wiggle?"

Wiggle... didn't sound so bad. Tentatively, she nodded and Dad seemed to relax even more. 

"That's okay, sweetie, it's okay!" he said, smiling more widely now. 

"It's okay?" she asked pensively.

"Yeah, it is, it's actually good! It shows what a big girl you're becoming, did you know that?" She shook her head. "That's right! When little kids get to be big kids, their teeth get a little wiggly, and they even come out so that new, big girl teeth can grow in!" Daddy seemed happy and relaxed about it, though she felt a little bit suspicious about teeth _falling out._ She looked at him doubtfully. 

"Can I see?"

Obligingly he picked her up and carried her to the bathroom mirror, lifting her close so she could examine the tooth as it moved. It didn't _seem_ to be too bad. "It hurts a little."

"Hmmm... sometimes growing can hurt a little bit. But not very bad. I remember when you scraped your knee? Remember? Riding your bike for the first time? And you didn't even cry." She climbed up so she was standing on the sink, turning around and putting her arms around Dad's neck.

"'Cause you put a bandaid on it," she reminded him. "And kissed it."

For some reason this made Dad laugh. She never understood why Mom and Dad always thought everything was so funny. "Well, we can't put a bandaid on this sweetie. But I can kiss it, here."

Relieved, she leaned forward, scrunching her face to bare her teeth, making him laugh again as he carefully kissed her tooth. "There. Better?"

She wiggled the tooth with her tongue again then nodded. He hugged her tightly and lifted her down. "When does it come out?" she demanded, over her fear now and excited for the adventure of it.

"Can't say for sure. It depends on how much you wiggle it and how close the other tooth is to growing in. Sometimes a long time sometimes only a few days."

"How long is a 'few days?'"

Dad picked up her plate for her to put away and handed her back her apple. "Three sleeps," he clarified.

"That's forever! Then what happens?"

Dad twisted his mouth then got a little frown. He did that sometimes. Mom said Dad has been through a lot and sometimes he gets sad when he remembers it, and when his mouth did that, it usually meant he was sad from remembering something. Morgan didn't understand it, but she knew what to do. "Can we go to the garage later, Dad?"

His sad face cleared as he smiled down at her. "If you're good and clean your room."

"And will you let me use the hammer?"

"We'll see," he said evasively but in her experience that always meant yes! 

"Yay!" she cheered, going to him to hug him. "Thanks Dad! I love you."

"I love--" she looked up at him when he paused, but she couldn't decide if he was upset. There were tears in his eyes but there were big wrinkles from his smile so big. Dad did that sometimes. "I love you too."

Trotting off to her room to clean it, apple in hand, Morgan felt pleased that she could clean her room and make Dad happy so they could play in the garage later.

...

Pepper came in from relaxing by the lake a bit later. Tony came and took some of the things from her hands, greeting her with a kiss. "How's the lake today?"

"Pretty! The flowers are blooming. Oh! And the duck eggs hatched! We should show Morg in a couple of days."

"They did? How many?"

"Three hatched, three more to go."

"Cute," Tony commented, setting Pepper's book on the table. "She'll love that."

Pepper took off her sunhat, immediately realizing that something was on Tony's mind. She knew him perfectly; all of their years together had given them an unbreakable bond of not only friendship and love but also an almost intuitive sense of the other's thoughts and feelings. 

"How was your day? Did Morgan eat lunch? She didn't finish her breakfast."

"Yep, she did, even the crust," Tony said with a smile. His eyes sparkled with amusement. "She scared herself though. Morgan, come here!"

Morgan came running, a doll in hand. "Yeah?"

"Momma's home."

"Momma!" Morgan ran and hugged Pepper around the waist. "Hi!"

"Want to tell mom what a big girl you are?"

Morgan's brow furrowed for a brief moment before she remembered what Tony was referring to. "Mom! I have a wiggly tooth!"

"What?" Pepper lifted Morgan up and sat her on the kitchen table so she could get a look at the tooth in question. "Oh wow!! You are _such_ a big girl!" Morgan was so proud she hugged Pepper tightly, then went back to play.

"I can't believe how big she's getting," Pepper marveled hesitantly, wondering if that's what was bothering Tony. One unexpected side-effect of parenting. You always lose the child you have for a new iteration. While this was good and beautiful and exciting, it could be at times achingly sad. 

"Right?" He glanced at Pepper and saw that she saw through him. He blew out a breath through pursed lips. 

"For some reason, it just made me really question... It's stupid. But I wanted to tell her about the tooth fairy and I was suddenly questioning my entire competency as a father. My entire _existence_ as a father. I know we talked about it... when we decided to get pregnant. I felt so _sure,_ then. But now that she's _here,_ I love her so much. More than I thought possible, and we brought her into this broken world that I failed to protect, what if I fail to protect her too? I suddenly thought how stupid it was to tell her about the tooth fairy when... I mean. All the... so much death, Pepper. We try to ignore it, but there's so much death. And it just seemed so foolish to teach her about the tooth fairy, I'm aware that it doesn't make any sense." 

Pepper listened, her expression soft and sad and understanding. She knew that Tony was not only questioning what was best for Morgan, reality or imagination, truth or whimsy, but also, always, he pushed against happiness as it came to him. He never felt like he deserved it. 

She thought back to a time, long ago, when Tony had accused her of staying by his side while he reaped the benefits of destruction only to abandon him now. When she'd questioned him he'd told her he had found a purpose that he knew in his heart was right. She'd trusted him in that purpose, then and still. But she'd also found her own purpose, that she knew in her heart was right. And that was giving Tony Stark permission to live a beautiful life, permission to live and love and have laughter and kindness and all the forgiveness he needed. There were probably a lot of people in the world that would find fault with that, she knew; but she didn't care. In fact, nothing on the planet and the opinion of exactly no one bothered her. It was her single-minded focus and task, laser locked as Tony's had been all that time ago, to fight against darkness and despair by loving Tony Stark and Morgan Stark with all her heart all her life. 

So she wrapped her arms around Tony's waist and let him kiss her head. "Let's tell her _all about_ the tooth fairy," she said softly, amusement and anticipation in her tone. "It will make her so happy. She'll be so excited." 

Tony's arms tightened around her to just the point before painfulness. He often held her like that, as tight as he could without hurting her, as if he was afraid she'd float away. "Okay." 

Six days and two dollars in dollar coins later, Morgan woke Dad up before the sun rose, demanding a trip to the dollar store. Pepper laughed at him, getting up to make pancakes and leaving Morgan to spill her excitement and happiness all over Dad. 


	5. natasha visits

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Did anyone else get a vibe that when Nat showed up at the cabin and he lifted his chin in greeting that it wasn't the first time they'd been reunited? I got that vibe. So headcanon that she came to see him after he and Pepper left the compound
> 
>  
> 
> http://latin.cards/cartomancy/

His smiles were so rare now, she could only count half a dozen _real_ ones since he got back.

One, when she said _I do._ It started then, soft and sweet, then when they kissed as man and wife she looked up at him and he was _smiling_. 

It wasn't until that moment, barely strong enough to stand on his own two feet, that she thought he might be okay. Maybe not for a while, and maybe not ever completely, but he would be okay. The light, absent from his eyes or clouded by pain and grief and bitter, shameful regret, peeked through like a sunset after a storm that could not weep itself clear. There came beautiful colors of it, though.

That was the first time he'd smiled since they were joking and jogging in the park, all those lifetimes ago. There were times when he looked more relaxed. Pleasant. Pleased. But not happy, not smiling, and never laughing. At odd times his mouth would make the movement, he would make the sound of laughter (a chuckle here or there) but she knew the truth. They weren't _his_ they were the ones he gave the press, the fans, or anyone else who needed it of him, even occasionally her. It did break her heart in those moments, but just the same she appreciated the effort.

The second time he'd smiled a real smile, It was some idiotic conversation between Rhodey and Happy, arguing about where the best place to get a decent burger was. Rhodey was saying something about a Wakandan cheeseburger being the purest and delicious food on the planet and Happy swore by a joint in New York where his brother was a chef. It had grown a little heated and Happy and Rhodey were sparing a bit until Happy's cheeks were red and he was getting sweaty and Tony had smiled briefly at some quip of Rhodey's, even giving the smallest hint of a laugh, not even realizing he was doing it, and Pepper's poor broken heart had almost stopped when she saw that unrestrained smile and she had to quickly look away so Tony would not see how it affected her. She had vowed that whatever happened, she would never make him feel guilt or blame for whatever path forward he found, and she was adamant about it. Her tears at his smile would only break his heart.

That smile got her through a few dark days.

It was _something._

He'd smiled down at her during the first sunrise they witnessed as it came over the lake. When she'd tucked in against the warmth of his side and she'd felt him looking down at her not at the sunrise and when she'd lifted her eyes to his he smiled. She'd grinned at him and taken him back to bed and the two of them had been... they'd been happy. It was a happy time, but like all happy times it was bitter, bittersweet. It had seemed to break some kind of barrier though, because he'd laughed when they watched a movie together the next night and again when they were baking cookies and she'd teased him into a bit of a food fight.

But it wasn't long after that that Natasha had shown up on their doorstep, far too thin, pale, and asked if she could just stay there for a few days. Tony didn't smile then; just the opposite. A tension Pepper had thought was finally gone from him now that they were away from it all was suddenly back, as thick and heavy and dangerous as the day he'd collapsed in the Compound nearly two months ago, ripping his arc reactor from his chest and telling Steve Rogers to take it and hide. It disturbed and frightened her a bit, and she was angry with herself for not being able to protect him. But Tony was made of stern stuff. He wasn't the half-starved waif who had faced the dark oblivion of space and the weight of his grief very nearly alone. Healing came slowly and at a price but it had come a bit, and when he'd studied Natasha a few moments he'd opened the door wider for her to step in.

Nat hadn't said much of anything at all, not to explain her presence or describe what she'd been up to. Pepper was vaguely aware through Rhodey that she was still active in hero work, using her own limited resources and at times asking for help, but Pepper had never wanted the details and Rhodey never provided them. Nat struggled to eat dinner, obviously forcing down every bite, not making eye contact or conversing. Tony and Pepper spoke quietly to each other when they spoke at all, but both of them sensed she needed quiet.

Nat was falling asleep on the couch, her exhaustion bone-deep, carving deep dark circles under her eyes. She'd mumbled an apology for showing up. 

Nearly no one had been told where Tony had disappeared to. How Natasha found him was anyone's guess, but it could be as simple as Rhodey telling her when she asked. It wasn't as if Tony had asked to keep it a secret, it'd just turned out that way when no one tried to find him. But he hadn't exactly rolled out the welcome mat either, and Nat knew that what was left of the team was more than anything a terrible reminder of their failures and loss, and it was simply too hard to be around each other. She was ignoring that unspoken understanding and she knew it as well as he did, the guilt and anguish of it written all over her face.

He'd murmured to her that she was okay, and after a pause, reminded her that she was safe and he would be around when she woke up. Which he was, though she slept for sixteen hours. She did not appear well-rested, even then, though some of the tired lines of pain and exhaustion had disappeared. Pepper made breakfast, though it was 3:16 in the afternoon, and Tony played solitaire with a deck of cards.

Soon Natasha pulled her chair near him and started playing too. "Ten of spades," she pointed out and he lifted his chin in acknowledgment.

He moved the cards with his skilled, callused, strong fingers. She'd noticed that about him before, his hands. She couldn't bring herself to remember all the things she knew about those, how strong and kind and gentled and skilled, how capable--

Even those alive were lost to her. 

"Three of clubs," she said. "I never should have left you."

Tony didn't turn his head, though his hand stopped mid-motion, briefly, before setting the card down with a little snap of the corner, lining it up precisely. He drew from the pile, twisting his mouth is concentration or something else. He turned the cards-- a five of spades, a six of hearts, an eight of hearts. He moved a few around.

"Two of hearts. You were right all along." 

Pepper set a glass of orange juice down. "Queen of diamonds," she pointed out, her fingers brushing the back of Tony's neck. Carefully he moved a large stack over the queen she'd pointed out.

He turned over a jack of spades from the pile he'd uncovered. "I'm sorry," she said, her voice full of the misery she felt.

His respiratory rate had picked up but he did not speak at all. He moved a six of spades. 

"Tony, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry you were alone when you fought him. You shouldn't have... you shouldn't have had to be there alone."

" _Stop._ " He rubbed his face, looking almost haggard as he stared at the cards. Natasha was crying a bit now, her chest and throat aching. Pepper had come up behind him and leaned over to move a card, her red hair falling forward, a veil between Natasha and Tony for a moment. She moved a seven of spades.

"I wasn't... alone." Six of diamonds. Three of clubs. He suddenly looked right at her, his deep, sad brown eyes staring straight into her soul. "That is a hell of a thing for you to say to me now, Natasha. What would you like me to do with your apology? With your regret? With your grief? Don't you think I have enough of my own? How much more do you think I can bear without breaking?"

Nat raised her shoulders, helpless. "I don't expect you do anything with it Tony. I know I have no right at all to be here and even an admission of guilt and an apology might seem like I want something in return, but I don't. But you deserve to hear it from me. You deserve to know how I feel."

"How's that, Nat? How is it exactly that you feel because I can't tell. I thought I did, once, I thought I could, but you... _you left me._ I fail to see how your guilt and regret over it changes that in the slightest." He moved the nine of diamonds. 

"Then why'd you let me in, Tony? Why let me stay here?"

"I don't know." His breathing is rapid now and he pushed away from the table, his chair scraping loudly. Nat picked up a five of diamonds that Tony had knocked to the floor. 

She let the silence fall between them, the only sounds from the cooking food as it sizzled on the stove and Pepper stirred it, a soft hissing sound. "I'm not asking you for anything."

"There's a first."

"I guess I deserved that." Her contrition broke him. His anger melted into pain. His anger never could stay; it burned itself out. But the pain was a deep well, lightless and cold, that he'd yet to find the bottom of. "I never meant for it to be like that. I'm sorry for that, too. You deserved a better friend than I ever was to you."

He'd turned away, his shoulders hunched and shaking. Natasha couldn't bear it; she thought she was strong enough for this, she would _make_ herself strong enough, but she couldn't, she couldn't. 

"I-- I'm so sorry! Tony, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, please, please forgive me, I'm sorry!" She wasn't going to ask his forgiveness, she hadn't meant to, but it burst out of her like blood from an arterial injury; she could no more help it than help her heart from beating. She knew she was asking too much, she knew it was wrong, but--

Tony. He meant the world to her, in more ways than one. He represented everyone she'd let down, he was everyone who had to face the failure of the Avengers. She couldn't help but think that those, like her, who had chosen not to remain and be a part of the Accords had no one to blame but themselves for the way things turned out. Tony, on the other hand, had everyone to blame except himself, he'd done everything.

"Oh, Tony, I'm so sorry you couldn't call us," she said desperately. He lifted his head suddenly.

"What did you say?"

"You didn't call us, because you thought we wouldn't come because we were outlaws, and because you were angry with Steve you had every right--"

"That-- no! Stop, stop." Tony pulled himself together. Natasha glanced at Pepper who was watching them with an inscrutable look, not upset exactly, but not happy. She was watchful and protective, standing with her arms folded, leaning casually with her hip against the countertop. She met Natasha's glance with measuring look and Natasha looked away, refocusing on Tony.

He was looking at her with belligerent confusion. "You... you guys thought I didn't call because of... because of the Accords? And because of Steve Rogers... what he did to me?" Natasha frowned. 

"Because of what we _all_ did by leaving--"

" _Stop,_ " he commanded her abruptly. "It completely amazes me that you're still so capable of misjudging me after all these years, you know? You don't even have the excuse of not knowing me very well. You and every other idiot who left could have let the door hit you in the ass on the way out, Nat. I didn't want you there."

"I know." The words came out thin and pained. She did know, but it still hurt.

Tony shook his head. "You want to lie to my face, fine, you want to abandon me, you do it. Steve told me to stop trying to win a war before it started _so I did_ and instead of winning it together we lost everything and you all weren't there. News flash, Nat. I didn't call you _because I knew you'd die if I did. I saw it._ Remember? You and the whole world. I tried to tell you guys. I tried. You pretended to listen but you were all rolling your eyes and getting impatient, tired of the same old song. I figured the best way to make sure you all didn't die is fight on my own so _that's what I did._ Congrats, it worked, you get to stay and enjoy the fruits of our failure with me, and at least Steve Rogers wasn't a damn liar in this case, we can lose together. Happy?"

She felt as if she were sinking under the weight of everything he told her. She'd thought about ended her life many times over the years, disgusted with her past actions, frustrated at times with her pain and wounds that never seemed to heal. With the Barton family gone, with Clint missing, with the ex-Avengers doing what they did best-- scattering-- she couldn't find purchase for her feet, she couldn't catch her balance. 

She didn't deserve it, but Tony reached out and steadied her, cupping her cheek so she looked at him. She saw there that her pain and regret and sorrow meant something to him, even after all of everything. "It wasn't a very nice thing of me to do, though, was it." He wiped away one of her tears with his thumb and she leaned into his hand so hard that he pulled her into an embrace. They held each other a long time.

Finally he was tired from holding her weight; he still wasn't at full strength after his near starvation and subsequent muscle loss. He took a deep breath; it caught as if with pain a moment before he released it. Pepper sat down with the food, unspeaking, a silent witness.

Their love was stronger than the pain they'd caused each other. 

They finished their game of solitaire together, eating together, stealing bites from each other's plates. He seemed far more relaxed than even Pepper had seen him, a terrible burden lifted from his heart. Pepper asked him to go check how the new baby alpaca, dubbed Gerald by Happy, was settling in and started to clean up. Natasha got up to help her wash the pans.

Pepper smiled at her, perhaps not quite as ready to forgive but not willing to bear an offense that Tony wanted to forgive, wanted to let go of. And she knew Nat was so, so sorry.

"I never did it to hurt him. I never."

"I know," Pepper said gently, and the gentleness was the forgiveness Natasha could accept, her heart aching.

She had once had an icy, hard grip on her emotions. Not any more. She couldn't help but cry a bit again, Pepper patiently letting the storm of tears run itself out. She had enough experience with broken hearts. 

Nat pressed the back of her hand to her mouth, finally done crying. She didn't want to be in tears when Tony came back. "So," she said to Pepper, who glanced up from drying a bowl. "When are you due?"

Natasha couldn't help but give her small smirk at the surprised look on Pepper's face. It melted from shock to an outraged and happy grin. "How'd you know?? Do I show already??"

"No... I saw you touch your belly while you were cooking. You look really good... I can just tell." Pepper's attempt to suppress a smile was her only answer. Natasha put a hand on her shoulder. "I'm really happy for you. Does Tony know?"

"Not yet. I found out the day you came."

"Oh. _Oh,_ Pepper, I'm sorry, I must have ruined your plans!"

Pepper shrugged, so obviously happy and excited, her blue eyes sparkling. "I never make plans."

"Who's not making plans?" Tony said, coming through the kitchen door with a small basket of eggs he'd gathered from the chickens.

"No one," Pepper and Natasha said together and Tony raised his eyebrows, taking in their smiles, and it came quietly and unlooked for then, he smiled, wide and happy and relaxed. Pepper laughed softly.

"No one is making plans," Pepper reiterated, sliding over to him and wrapping her arms around his neck. He responded by giving a warm chuckle in response to her flirting and her apparent happiness, making her smile even bigger. "We were just discussing if this pregnancy is starting to show or Natasha was using her powers of astute observation to out me."

Tony utterly froze, and Natasha. Pepper had no reason, no reason at all, to allow her into this moment of pure happiness but she had. She watched as Tony hugged Pepper tightly, tightly, picking her up and spinning her around, thinking of the unrestrained generosity of Pepper Potts telling Tony while Natasha was there just so she could see him happy for once, see him in perhaps a way she never had and never would again and for a moment despite all they'd been through despite everything he almost seemed a stranger to her, or she herself had changed so much that she seemed she was a stranger herself.

Then she came back to herself as Tony and turned to her and she reached out to hug him and he embraced her. She felt everything he wished he could express in that hug, that everything was okay and none of it was and that was that and he both couldn't forgive her and couldn't help but forgive her and he loved her; she felt that too. 

She stayed for two more days, healing and replenishing her sacred strength. She was welcome for longer, but she felt the need to _act and do_ pulling at her. 

She and Tony walked down the lake's shoreline one last time together. Something approaching peace filled her, though, she thought, she was not quite capable of ever being entirely at peace. But approaching it was something.

She put her arm around his waist and he pulled her close, resting his head on her hers. They both sensed that this parting would be for a more significant length; they would go their separate ways in order to move forward, in whatever shape that took-- for Tony, focusing on his family. For Natasha, it meant using the Compound to do some semblance of what the Avengers had meant to do, protecting the earth and reacting to threats. Heavy in her pocket was a hard drive that would unlock all the Compound's resources for her. 

They said goodbye. Later Natasha found the ace of hearts he'd slipped in her pocket, a token from their game of solitaire, and a note that said _It never hurts to have an ace up your sleeve._

Pepper noticed he smiled no more often after Natasha left, but there was something softer, sweeter, and more real than it had ever been. That, too, was something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a soft spot for Natasha, she and tony were my brotp for a really long time


	6. the garage

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey yeah, sorry, i did mean for the five-year-gap chapters to be fluffy and happy but I can't help it it's tony i'm sure he had some pretty bad days so this is pretty angsty

Tony had been close to death before.

Many times.

He'd even come to accept it, on occasion, and dealing with the mental, emotional, and physical whiplash of that was... unpleasant. Given the choice between the physical or _other_ recuperation, he'd always choose the physical. At least then you could take some officinal but there was nothing for the mental and emotional anguish that always seemed to be crushing him as if in a vise except to patiently wait and see if it got better with time.

(Although the recovery from the starvation had been no walk in the park, he had to acknowledge that. He was always cold, even on the hottest days, due to the fat and muscle loss and since Siberia, he _hated_ feeling cold. He was gaining weight slowly but steadily but he felt sick if he tried to eat too much or too fast. Every day he took in more calories than he expended was a win.)

Though at times he accepted it, he _nearly_ never actually wished for death, and it hadn't come to that in many years. He'd never actually told anyone about it, how close he'd been to letting go and giving up in that Afghan cave and so the only person who knew had been dead a long, long time now. So no one was aware of what a coward he'd been and how afraid and if Yinsen hadn't angered him and challenged him how it would have all ended so differently. He wanted to die, not because of the pain or the fear but because he was confronted with what a small, meaningless, pitiful life he had, worth nearly nothing despite his billions of dollars. His life's work had been thrown in his face as a complete sham and he had just begun to realize how _false_ all of it was and he was going to be killed. 

_Is this to be your legacy, your weapons in the hands of those_ murderers _?_ He didn't think he had a choice but he'd thought he could at least die fighting them but he'd lived instead and Yinsen had said _Don't waste it._

He shuddered in the bright sunlight by the lake. _If it's any comfort, they died in their sleep,_ memory abruptly intruded. He couldn't clearly understand why something Zemo had said to them a thousand years ago came to him now, perhaps it was because he felt cold, but he felt his spirits drop again.

"Sweetheart." He glanced up. Pepper had snuck up on him; she seemed to have a sixth sense when he was too much in his own head, starting to lose his fragile grasp on... whatever it was he was supposed to be doing here.

"Hey, Pep," he said, frowning at the bleak despair he hadn't managed to keep out of his voice. She pushed his sunglasses up a moment to look into his eyes. The light still hurt his eyes; the doctor said after so much time in the darkness of space, it would just take some time for him to adjust. Even with his eyes closed, even with indirect sunlight, he was sometimes uncomfortable so Pepper wasn't surprised when Tony closed his eyes even in the dappled shade of the trees. Not so quickly that she didn't see the grief in his eyes, though.

"What is it, darling?" she asked tenderly. 

"I can't say," he said truthfully. "Everything." Which was quite enough to be getting on with.

She sat down beside him and lay back, gazing up at the blue sky between the leaves just starting to turn for fall. After a moment he joined her, though the colors were muted through the sunglasses. It still looked achingly beautiful, but instead of giving him peace or making him feel joy, he felt desolate and lonely.

"Peter?"

She'd pressed her finger against the source of his misery when he hadn't even been clearly aware of it. He nodded, closing his eyes, tears falling from his eyes into his hairline. Strange how after his return, during the inquest, during the calls for him to help when he was simply and utterly incapable of helping, during the protests and counter-protests, he hurt about Peter but when all was calm and bright he _hurt_ about Peter.

"Want to talk about him?"

"Not sure."

"Okay. Let's try, and if you don't want to we can stop." He nodded but felt a secret stab of anger at Pepper; her infinite patience with him, her unending gentleness and kindness when he didn't deserve it. He'd let the Avengers down and the whole world with it. He saw it. Felt it too, just like he'd dreaded. If only Pepper would rail at him, blame him, something. But she didn't blame him and that was somehow hard. Even his anger could not stay; it fizzled out against the cold grief, leaving him with an ache of guilt. That at least he was used to. He did what he'd been avoiding. He thought about Peter.

"So I told you how he was fighting the big one in the park with me before I sent him after Strange."

"Yeah."

"Right. So. Did I tell you how he'd got caught up when they took Strange and he was actually on the _outside_ of the ship when it was launching into space?"

"No! That hasn't come up before, are you serious?"

"Yeah." He gave a soft breath like a laugh. "He told me he was being beamed up."

"And he was actually on the outside of the ship?" 

"Yeah, and I was really close behind but I could see they were going to fast for me to catch him in time so I deployed the A-17 armor for him, remember it?"

"Oh yes, I remember. I thought it was a bit paranoid."

"I know you did." It was an almost tease, a near smile, that he'd been right. "But anyway, it was getting there fast but not fast enough, so I told him to let go and I'd catch him."

"Ah. Get him off the upward trajectory, right?"

"Yeah, but a bigger problem was he was running out of oxygen. He was kind of getting out of it and there was a moment when he lost consciousness, or pretty near, because he fell."

"Wow."

"I was pretty afraid he was going to hit the ship but the pod caught him just in time."

"You must have about had a heart attack!"

"Yeah, I was a bit, but he came out of it almost instantly, you know, the suit had the oxygen filters we'd experimented with in the Rubber Ducky armor. I was so relieved he was safe, Pep."

"Oh Tony."

"I had Fri deploy his 'chute so the drag would take him home, but he was too fast, too smart, too strong. He found a way on board."

"I remember you telling me how he said he wanted to help and you made him an Avenger."

"Yeah," Tony replied, but he could barely manage the word. "He was. He was an Avenger. You should have seen him up there, saving the Guardians when they were unconscious. So polite you'd think he was meeting with his college professors at a lunch meeting. Who's that polite?"

"Good kids."

"He was a good kid. Pep, he was a really, really good kid." Tony sat up, giving reign to his tears a moment, a few sobs shaking him, and Pepper sat up, rubbing his back. 

"I known he would have chosen to go with you had he known the outcome, Tony. It wouldn't have mattered if he were here or on Titan. He wanted to be by your side."

"I know, Pep." He wiped his face. "I know it wouldn't have mattered but I don't think he would have known what was happening had he stayed behind. He was such a damn brave kid, staying up there when I told him it might be a one-way ticket, but he died afraid and I couldn't help him I couldn't save him I couldn't _anything_. And there was this moment after that I wondered if I were next and I waited and waited for probably ten seconds before I really really realized I had to _live_ with this."

Pepper sighed in sympathy, rubbing his back in small circles. 

"I feel bad about this. I hate to say it, even, but then when I was on the Benatar with Nebs and things were looking dim, I was just _praying_ you and Rhodey and Happy were dusted too so I could just die and no one would even have to care."

"Tony--"

He waved a hand. He knew she wanted to tell him again how the entire world was praying for his safe return, of all the people who refused to give him up for dead without a body, the tributes, the "Leave a Light On" campaign where everyone had turned on every light and lit every candle on a specific date and time as a gesture that they were still waiting for him and hoping for his return. But that, too, hurt him deeply. 

"Then sweet Caroline found me and told me I was going home and I couldn't ask her about you, Pep, I was so afraid and there was no time anyway Nebula told her I was only a few hours away from death if that and she barely had enough time to get us to the wormhole. Even when I was fighting him, no backup, and he stabbed me I wasn't as afraid as that trip home when I had to wonder if you were dead. I just wanted to die without knowing if you were dead in case you _were_ dead. It was so stupid and self-centered but Pep... I don't know."

"I think all of that is perfectly understandable, Tony," she said carefully. She felt for his hand and entwined their fingers. She felt how cold he was even in the mild weather and moved closer, offering her body warmth, and he shifted to lean into her.

"Some hero, though, right?"

She had a lot she could say to that but chose to say nothing, knowing he already knew how she and millions of people begged to differ with his self-assessment. He was finished talking, anyway, she could tell. Sometimes he just needed someone to listen only, not try and change his feelings. He turned slightly, resting his head on his arm, looking almost like a child. He was so far from that innocence and happiness that the sight pained her, and she wondered if there were any way for him to forget his pain and grief, ever.

"I'm glad you told me how you're feeling. And I love to hear to talk about Peter, Tony, and I will always be willing to talk about him with you. But I came out here for something else... I've been trying to figure out a way to bring it up, but I've been working on a surprise for you. Well, not just me. I mean, I had help."

He sat up, pulling off his sunglasses to see her clearly. "What have you been up to?" he asked suspiciously.

She smiled a Mona Lisa smile not too unlike a certain red-headed assistant she once employed, offering a hand to pull Tony to his feet. He allowed himself to fall into her embrace a moment, leeching a bit of her warmth, smelling her shampoo and taking general comfort from her. She bore him up, her strength seemingly unwavering (though he knew better).

He was extremely curious. What could she have gotten up to without him knowing? Granted he'd spent a great deal of time sleeping at first; he been so exhausted and weak that he went to bed early, slept in and had a nap during the day, particularly after physical therapy. She could have been getting into all kinds of trouble and he would have been none the wiser.

The truth was he hadn't troubled himself about any goings-on. He had asked Pepper to not allow any TVs, no radios, not even the internet on the computer. He didn't watch the news or browse through social media even once since his return. He'd gone into town in person to the bookstore and picked out books for their library; he didn't order anything online. He didn't check on Stark Industries. He didn't ask Pepper and she didn't volunteer how it had faired after the snap and while he was away. He did not care. Even if half or three-quarters of his fortune were gone, there was still money, money was money and it hadn't done anything to save him in the end. He was thankful it provided him some comfort and privacy now, grateful he was able to donate to causes he cared about, but other than that, he did not think about it.

Aside from his grief, which he could not escape, and guilt, like an old friend, he felt pleasantly unburdened. The nightmares that had plagued him for so long had stopped when he was on the Benatar, as if he sub-conscious no longer needed to provide a warning or reminder when the nightmares had come true. His wasted body had provided a relief, in that way; he was too tired to dream even if he could, but he hadn't. The days so far had been infinitely restful, and he'd worked in the garden and swam in the lake and even mowed the lawn. He read and even wrote some poetry. He trusted Pepper and Friday to look after things.

And apparently, she had. She walked toward the garage, though it had been quite a bit larger than a garage and it looked like Pep had had some work done on it. He hadn't been around this side of the house in months so he was surprised to see the expansion of it.

"When did this happen? I couldn't have been _that_ asleep."

"That week we went to see my family. Remember?"

"Right." 

She opened the door and stepped in. Instead of the dusty, slightly mousy odor that had pervaded the garage when they'd first moved here, it was... well. It was amazing. A beautiful fully functioning lab, with Dum-e and U wearing little party hats under a sign that said: "Celebrate Good Times." Tony laughed, but his heart was in his throat. This was... it was a lot. 

"What's this?" he asked slowly. Pepper pressed her lips together, rolling them a bit anxiously.

"If you're not ready--"

"It's not a matter of being _ready,_ Pep. It's fantastic, wow. I love the colors, incredible, the natural light." Unlike his other labs that had been decidedly sleek and high tech and _underground,_ this one was filled with natural light, with spacious windows open to the sky almost like a greenhouse. Three of his favorite cars, including the one he'd worked on with Howard all that time ago, were here too. Most of all, five of his most recent armors and the nanite arc reactor were under glass. They looked _so cool,_ he had to admit, but the sight of them gave him a phantom pain in his side where he'd been wounded, he'd been healed.

His heart was pounding like crazy and she always could read him. "It's okay, Tony. I didn't mean to upset you, sweetheart."

He didn't bother to deny it; he was upset, though not necessarily in a negative way. "I... I'm just not sure what I need it for," he said truthfully. "I--I mean. I'm..." he struggled to find words for the emotions he couldn't even identify. 

He sat down on one of the comfy leather couches. "I thought all this was behind me forever. No more surprises. Right? I'm not even sure if I could. Could ever get in an armor again."

"Tony," Pepper said with infinite gentleness. She took his hand in hers and let him soak it in a few minutes. "You're right. Some parts of this are behind us forever. We can't pretend they didn't happen. But darling, we have a _bright, bright_ future ahead of us. I would like Iron Man to be a part of that, as much or as little as you want. But... Tony, this is who you are. You are Iron Man. This was and is who you are, and I still know in my heart that it's right. It doesn't mean hero work. It doesn't mean putting yourself in harm's way anymore. I think you're right, that's behind us. But Tony. The building. The making better, the improving. Your brilliant mind, your heart. It deserves a space. Here it is. To use as much or as little as your heart desires."

"I'm not sure..." he looked up at her, his brown eyes lost and forlorn, melting her heart. "I'm not sure that Iron Man survived Titan, Pep. I don't know. I don't know. He failed. He failed Peter. I don't know."

"There's no obligation to know anything, Tony. Only what there ever was or should be, the possibility of discovery." She paused, smiling a little. "And to _fly._ "

Just how she knew how much he missed flying, grieving for its loss almost as much as everything else, was a mystery to him since he couldn't remember mentioning it. He couldn't help but smile, shaking his head. 

"How's my girl?" he asked timidly. 

"I'm here," FRIDAY replied. "I've missed you, Boss." They hadn't spoken since Titan. His throat squeezed painfully around the lump in his throat. 

Pepper raised her arm, closing her fist, then dropped her arm, shutting down power to the lab. It was just as quiet and peaceful as the space by the lake. Different but familiar, and, like Pepper, comforting. He hugged Pepper tightly.

"Flying, huh?"

Pepper grinned. "Maybe sometime." She gently led Tony toward the house, their arms around each other, unwilling to relinquish their embrace even to walk.

"Yeah," Tony said glancing back and feeling an unexpected surge of happiness, maybe even excitement. "Maybe sometime."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was very curious about how Tony went from Mark 50 to 85, all the while seemingly completely retired from hero work. Maybe when he was healed up a bit, he helped out in a more active manner, but it really doesn't seem like it. Tony has to create. It's who he is, he'd die if he didn't. But anyway, from Pepper's reaction to his discovery of time travel GPS, I think she had a pretty big hand in leading him back to the lab and supporting him and loving him through what had to be a trying process. I think she knew they were on borrowed time, that a part of her suspected he might figure out a way to fix things. It's what he did, after all.


	7. the rescue on the benatar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i originally started this chapter curious about how Carol and Nebula interacted then I wanted to write the rest of the reunions that Endgame skipped over for some stupid reason.

The Benatar had been powerless, floating without direction in space for more than a week. Only the stars, only some nebulous clouds offered their light to the dying ship, the dying man. He had just enough strength to say good-bye, he thought. Just enough hope left to give it to Pepper, if she lived. Hope for what, that he didn't suffer, maybe. It didn't feel like suffering, what this was. There was pain. There was that. But more was needed than mere _pain_ to suffer. Tony thought, maybe, for once, he'd suffered enough. 

True to his word, his last thought when he drifted off was of Pepper. They were in a sunny park. She was in a flowered sundress, her red hair down and flowing as she spun around to grin at him. The sky was blue, blue, blue and there was Pepper and her freckles, Pepper and her smile, Pepper. Pepper.

He almost woke as Nebula put him in the chair. Almost. His consciousness rose but did not break the surface of the dark, smothering sleep that both comforted and scared him. He was so weak. The effort to wake, even to tell Nebs thank you, to tell her good-bye, it was too difficult. He didn't have the strength for it. He didn't even try. He allowed the pull of groggy sleepiness drag him deeper again, down.

Something _pulled_ him back toward the surface of consciousness. He ignored it, no desire in him to do or be or fight or not fight. The something became more insistent, _brighter._ The discomfort of a brightness after so long in the dark gave him pain, pulling him closer to the surface, an unstoppable _rising._

The tendrils of thought began to curl like the soft, feeling starts of a vine in early spring. He remembered that it was dark. Dark. The brightness shouldn't bother him, there should be no brightness. In a huge effort, he raised his hand, he opened his eyes.

For a long moment, Tony could only stare, uncomprehending. 

His mind, sluggish from malnutrition and lack of oxygen, could simply not process the bright, the woman, the soft smile that probably indicated she meant no harm, a pleased smile, someone pleased to see him. He couldn't see how beautiful she was, he couldn't see at all, it was too much light, too much.

"Nebula," he called hoarsely, but his voice held no strength, his voice no power, his breath barely passing his lips. Again but louder, a small kick of adrenaline from his tired and broken and wounded and dying body. "Nebula!"

"Tony," she said as she came beside him and she stared, and if the brightness hurt her she did not show it but she turned to Tony with a strange look he could not read, could not interpret. A strange fierceness, a cold and unyielding hard expression, as one watching an enemy die with a bleeding wound. He did not understand. 

No strength left, when Nebula moved away and he heard the sounds the ship made as someone boarded, the air shifted and stirred as it had not for days and days, and still he wasn't sure, until he saw her, that someone had come. Nebula had let her in, but stood between her and Tony, stood with a knife in her hand against the woman who had glowed.

"You fellas need a lift?" A blond woman. "Ran out of gas? I could give you a tow to the closest 7-11."

"Who are you?" Nebula asked in her strange, scratchy voice. It was the strong, almost challenging tone that she always used, but no threat, no threat. She had lowered the knife but kept herself in front of Tony, as if care were warranted, as if she would save him still, if she could, despite. She would not let any harm come to him that she could prevent, if it mattered, if it mattered to anyone. 

"I'm Carol Danvers and I've been searching for you. I'm sorry it took me so long." Nebula let her come, wary but unresisting. Either this was Tony's hope, or it wasn't. Carol leaned down, putting a hand on Tony's shoulder and he flinched at the tangible proof of her existence, looking at her hand in surprise. Her eyes looked him up and down, her expression grave and worried. "I'm gonna bring you home."

"You--" His chest was squeezed so tight, he had no breath for the word and it came out a whisper. She waited a moment to see if he could go on, but when he was unable, she squeezed with gentle pressure and stood up. She looked at Nebula. 

"He doesn't have much time. I did everything I could."

"I know," Carol replied, though Tony couldn't see how she _could_ know. She hadn't been there, when Nebula went without. Without drink. Without food. Without, without, Nebula went without and all he had to give her was friendship and kindness and sympathy which seemed poor things, but he'd seen her smile, it was something, was it something? Carol paused, her eyes on him again when he still hadn't responded. "I'll hurry."

She didn't waste time, she didn't even say anything else except she told Nebula she'd better buckle in. Nebula had told him about it, space travel, when it was something interesting and important, though vaguely terrifying. He understood something of what it would take, using the wormholes, making jumps in space that seemed so amazing and unfathomable to him once. His thoughts veered toward Peter, knowing the kid would be interested in all of this, but he managed to avoid thinking of him aside from that idle thought.

He drifted again. He thought of Pepper. 

He might make it home to see her. He might make it home to see her and it could still be too late to save him. The oxygen deprivation, that they could fix, but the starvation. That was hit or miss. _I guess they never miss,_ the song echoed. He tried again to focus his thoughts.

He might live.

He might live and that meant.

That meant he'd have to live with it.

A relief that he didn't even know he'd been feeling, until just now, now when the relief was being taken away, soft and dissolving at the edges and in the same moment he was realizing he'd have to face it. Face the failure. Face the loss. 

There could be so much more loss waiting for him. 

Pepper could be--

Rhodey. Happy. May. Any of--

Any of the others. 

The others. 

Along with the squirm of pain, of fear, ah yes, this was suffering, there it was, came _anger._ Just a hot, brief moment of it, a meteor that burned itself out in the next instant. If he'd stayed on earth. If he'd been there. Would they have? Been?

Been able to fight the battles others couldn't.

No. 

They couldn't have done that. He'd seen it, he'd tried to deny it as a dream but.

He'd dozed off, but Nebula was shaking him, hard. It hurt; every touch did that and he winced as he woke. "Nebula."

"Tony," she responded simply. "Stay awake. We're almost there. Almost there."

"Okay."

"The others. The ones you told me about. She told me she's taking us to the Compound, the one you built, the others are there."

"Who?"

"She didn't say. We had to hurry."

"Okay," he said faintly. 

"What should I do? What do you want?"

His thoughts drifted to Peter, powerful and painful and unable to stop it this time and his squirmed in pain, grasping Nebula's forearm with surprising strength. It was a one-way ticket. He has to live with this. He comes home. Peter doesn't. Peter doesn't make it home. Peter is gone, Peter stays gone.

Nebula watched him, more alert now than he'd been. _The pain makes him strong,_ she thought. "I can keep them away."

"They will blame me," he said faintly, to himself. "They always do."

"I will not let them!" she said fiercely, remembering Tony in battle. He'd fought hard, harder than anyone, he'd fought harder than anyone. 

"No, it's okay. I've got to face it. Them. I want to walk. Will you help me?" It was like this before, he remembered coming off the plane after Afghanistan, they wanted a wheelchair but he wouldn’t. He had Rhodey, he only needed Rhodey. 

"I will help you," she said simply.

...

Tony felt the jolt as they landed on ground, on earth, surprisingly gentle. Nebula opened the bay doors and he breathed, he breathed and it smelled like night and damp grass then Nebula came to him and he pressed against her, gathering his strength and borrowing hers. He felt her, strong, hard, but she was soft with him. His feet felt clumsy, dragging, the stairs were hard but she held him and he could dimly see in the darkness that there were people, some people coming toward him. One detached itself from the others, moving fast, and getting closer he could recognize that run anywhere, it was Steve Rogers, he'd survived. 

Quick fear that he'd be angry, quick and powerful relief that Steve looked just... he looked happy and relieved and sad, and grieving, he wasn't any harm. He wasn't here to harm him. Tony looked at Nebula to assure her it was all right, he thought it was and he let go and Nebula let go and he said the only thing that came to mind.

"Couldn't stop him." The confession strangled something in him, a hard, tight lump forming in his throat but he was too dehydrated to cry. Steve had him now as he almost stumbled, caught him and kept him from falling, keeping him close to lean on, to support, to carry him if he had to and Tony grabbed his arm.

"Neither could I," and Tony didn't think Steve quite understood so he stopped. 

"I lost the kid," he told him brokenly, his eyes pleading, grieving, wounded.

"Tony," Steve said in all forgiveness and something like an apology. "We lost."

They lost. How bad it was was yet to be determined. He didn't want to ask, didn't want to know, didn't want this to be the last moment that he could hope Pepper lived. "Is uh--?"

But in the next instant she was there, "Oh my god!" he was alive, "oh my god," he looked terrible and she touched him, she held him, her face relieved and horrified, her pretty face.

Everything but how much he loved her and how relieved he was she was alive evaporated like mist in a burst of fiery sunlight. Relief so palpable it made him weak and he sagged into her embrace.

"It's okay."

She brought him immediately to Rhodey, who wrapped his strong arms around Tony and kissed his head. "Tony," he said, not bothering to wipe away his tears. "Tones."

Tony's body shuddered with sobs with no tears to relieve them, pressing his face into Rhodey's chest. "Rhodey, I tried. The kid--"

"Shhh," Rhodey soothed when Tony choked off, too emotional and weak to continue and he couldn't have anyway, he couldn't have there was nothing to say, he has to just live with it now. "I know, Tony. I know."

"Tony!" Bruce was there, pushing his glasses up, his hands all over Tony looking for damage, looking for wounds. "We've got to get you inside, look at you, what happened to you--?"

Fumbling at Bruce's arms and shoulders, grasping him in embrace and reassurance. "I was injured, then no food, no water," he said faintly and he couldn't tell now who was holding him up, Pepper and Rhodey and Bruce and Steve but he knew if they let go he'd fall, if they let go he'd collapse. Thor was there, tall and frowning, his lips parted to speak but no words coming out, lifting his chin, his eyes dim with pain and grief.

"Injured?" Natasha, her face pale, the Compound lights glistening the tears on her cheeks.

"Nat," he breathed and she had his face in her hands. "Lightly stabbed. Nebula helped me--" Someone, Pepper, was squeezing him painfully tight and Tony coughed and stopped, unable to go on, too weak to walk another step. 

"All right, back off," Rhodey barked in his Colonel voice and had Tony's arm around his shoulder and his arm around his chest, carrying his weight. "Bruce, get to medical and get it ready. Everyone else... wait. Just wait." 

And they listened and dropped back as Rhodey mostly carried the weakened man into the Compound. Pepper fell into step beside him and took his hand, careful now, gentle, and he squeezed back with all his strength.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment and let me know if you enjoyed!


	8. the first thanksgiving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> note: this is not a very happy chapter, do be careful with your mental health won't you?

Five months. 

It was... time. A quantitative measurement of the passage of time. There were days that felt like a long time, days it felt like nothing at all. It was time. 

An interesting commodity, that. Moments, broken up into days, weeks, months, years. Minutes. Seconds. It came it went. No going back; he knew that, he'd tried. He'd tried so hard. He used every ounce of his not inconsiderable intellectual power. Without the time stone, he just couldn't get it to work. Time passing and the time stone, Thanos and Titan and the time stone, time. Time.

There were days he hated Stephen Strange more than he hated Thanos. Days where he _raged_ at the audacity of the man to not tell him what he'd seen, to give up the stone, handing their greatest enemy their greatest weapon, a weapon he'd been willing to _die_ to prevent Thanos from getting and instead of dying he'd watched Peter die and Strange was an unutterable _bastard._ There were times he wished to God that Stephen Strange was forced to _face this,_ the consequences of his actions that he hadn't given anyone else any say in. Rage was better than despair.

And there was plenty of time in five months for that. There were weeks where all he felt was the pain of loss. Years had not come yet, not yet, but they stretched out ahead as if taunting him with the life he must lead so far from what he'd hoped and dreamed. He couldn't get out of bed, not easily, not at first, as wasted away and starved as he was. Then he didn't _want_ to get out of bed, and how ungrateful was that, how messed up? After everything that had happened so he could be alive when so many didn't have the privilege, what kind of person did it take to just wish he didn't have to wake up to get up?

There were _times_ he despised himself.

There were minutes at a time where he stood at the kitchen sink and it all came back to him, everything on Titan, everything that came before, all crushed down into a few minutes of remembering.

It came. It went.

Yet.

He could not escape it. 

Rhodey had told him he knew how it was and to not bother trying to fight it. "It will be the first thing you think of when you wake up," Rhodey said, frowning and sad. "Until someday it will be the second thing." Tony had frowned at him, sure that he was wrong. It would never, it would never not be first. 

Five months in wasn't enough time for that. 

Enough. 

Time. 

"Tony?" 

Pepper's voice pulled him back to _now,_ if that meant something, which he didn't know that it did. But it brought him back _home,_ flying away from Titan, from dust and death and destruction. 

"Hmm?" 

She didn't answer, waiting a few moments for him to make his way back to her, he always made his way back, and rested a hand on his, gentle. So warm and gentle. A soft thing, soft to bring him back around. 

"Another flashback?" 

He glanced at her, a quick, reassuring smile, genuine though brief. "Nah. Just thinking. I'm okay." 

"Okay. You sure you feel up to this? No one would be angry if we decided to cancel." 

"No, no." He gave her his full attention, alarmed. "I can't do that Pepper, what, we're just going to send everyone away, tell them to hit up the local buffet? Look, I made the mashed potatoes and everything, I'm not wasting these!" 

She rolled her eyes, an arched eyebrow showing her skepticism. "Tony. Those can _not_ be the mashed potatoes. There's giant chunks in them!" 

"I'm not sure if you're trying to insinuate something here--" 

"Not insinuating. They are lumpy." 

"--But I used grandmother Stark's tried and true recipe--" 

"Grandmother Stark? Grandmother Stark? She never--" 

"--Handed down, through the sacred texts--" 

"Grandmother Stark was deathly allergic to milk and couldn't have had mashed potatoes if she--" 

"I never said she _ate_ them. She didn't taste them but the point was they were made with love. Give me a break here, I've been cooking since six this morning."

"It took you _six hours_ to make mashed potatoes??" 

Tony looked doubtfully at the questionable mixture. "Yes, why do you think I should have cooked them longer?" 

"Tony, you--" 

_Ding dong._

"We're still at 'ding dong?' Really?" 

"I picked the new door chime, _you_ have to hook it up." 

"I'm on vacation." 

"Which is why we're still at ding dong, by the way," Pepper called over her shoulder as she went to open the door. "Rhodey! Why didn't you walk in, no need to ring--?" 

"Last time I did that Tony was in his underwear," Rhodey grunted, hefting a large bag of groceries. "Not something I'm interested in repeating." 

"Doc said the sunshine would improve my vitamin D levels," Tony complained. "Not my fault you've got delicate sensibilities, Platypus." 

" _Delicate,_ " Rhodey snorted. "Those underwear were a _delicate_ shade of grey--" 

"I don't need to hear that," Happy said irritably, coming in behind Rhodey. "I really don't need to hear anything about that. Like at all. It's giving me a visual, what you're saying, I don't need it." 

"Happy!" Pepper embraced him. They didn't see much of him, lately; he'd been spending a lot of time with his mother since the snap and Pepper had assumed he wouldn't make it down. "I thought you weren't coming!" 

"Yeah, well I'm here, Mom thought she'd rather we get everyone together for Christmas since that's when my brother can make it down. Is it good? You have room for one more?"

"Of course!!" She gave a surreptitious glance at Tony. He got easily overstimulated, but it was a fact of their life at the moment that it didn't take much to tire him out. The physical therapist had said that it would take time to rebuild all the muscle wasting that had happened and Tony was anxious not to just regain muscle weight as fat, if he could avoid it, so it was slow going. Everything was slow going. Having more company than they expected for Thanksgiving seemed like a small thing but it didn't take much to disrupt his equilibrium. He only looked pleased, however, and went to take a pie from Happy just as he dropped it, Tony recovering it smoothly.

"Gotcha," Tony said. "Did you see my cat-like reflexes there?"

"Very impressive, Tones, more impressive than... what even _are these?"_

"Mashed potatoes," Tony said in exasperation. "Don't you start too!"

"What did you use to mash them, exactly?"

As Rhodey tried to help Tony find a way to rescue the potatoes, Pepper helped Happy organize the food they brought.

It seemed that Rhodey and Happy didn't need to be warned to keep things low-key. They turned on the football game as the turkey was finishing cooking and Tony was picking at the food just enough to ruin his appetite, insisting that he was simply making sure the food was fit for consumption. 

"A somber nation celebrates the first Thanksgiving since the Decimation, where 3,223,618,245 people were killed. Cindy Logan reports from New York--" a newscaster reported during the half-time break, before Happy turned the channel. Tony and Rhodey had been chatting, seemingly oblivious, but Pepper noticed a flush of red in Tony's neck, a sure sign that he was upset. He hid it well. He came over to help set the table.

He was quiet after that and no one called him out on it or blamed it or tried to change it. They were there to fill in the silences, to pick up any pieces that he might need, to just care and support him because they couldn't fix it. No one could. 

The meal was rich; Tony couldn't eat too much of it, but a small amount of everything, declaring it delicious. It really was. But she knew it wasn't just his stomach troubling him, making it difficult to eat. He sat at the table, surrounded by the people he loved and trusted, and she knew he was haunted by the people who weren't there, more than 3 billion of them. After a while, he complained the turkey made him sleepy and he wanted to go lay down for a while and nap. She caught his hand as he walked by, and he squeezed it back in response, briefly, but let go. Rhodey and Happy watched him leave and the door closed behind him.

The three of them sat in silence a few minutes, the only sound the ticking of the grandfather clock in the hallway. 

It marked the time, each second, each minute, as it marched on. Not quickly, not quickly enough. There was simply not enough time between them and Thanos. They couldn't move on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *sighs forever. The holidays can be rough. As always, I am thrilled to receive comments or feedback


End file.
